I like to eat. I like food. No, you don’t understand how much I like food. If it were 2 am after a crazy study session and I had to choose between food and sleep, I would choose food. It hardly even matters what kind of food (though burritos, man, those things…those things rock).
Okay, now that we have that out of the way, here are three of the most disappointing foods that I have ever eaten. Despite my warnings, you will try these foods again and again. They will let you down each time.
1. S’more Cookies
Yes, these sound delicious. It’s like eating a s’more without the work! Just a few bites and you have successfully consumed a s’more-like thing that tastes exactly like a s’more and brings you the warm fuzzy feelings of childhood and friendship, all without the mess. Not. There is nothing that can replace the campfire s’more and the entire world should just stop trying. The texture is all wrong, the temperature is all wrong, and the feels…All. Wrong. I will say that it’s a delicious cookie. It’s just not a delicious s’more.
2. Maple Bagels
I’m not sure if this is just the Canadian in me speaking, but people need to stop trying to add maple syrup to condensed bread. Yes, maple syrup is delicious on pancakes and waffles, but that’s because pancakes and waffles are light, fluffy, and basically hug you every time you take a bite. Bagels take work to eat, my friend, and the maple syrup doesn’t soak into the bagel properly because there is just so much freaking bagel. You’re stuck either eating something that tastes like a plain bagel or drinking maple syrup every time you take a bite. Stop that. Stop all of that.
3. “Seasonal Vegetables”
OH MY GOODNESS, WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?! You know when you go to a restaurant and you order “roasted chicken with seasonal vegetables”? What the heck are the seasonal vegetables? I do not know which veggies are in season and what do you serve in winter when there’s snow on the ground and nothing grows (#canadianproblems)? I have so many questions and no answers! So I just assume that I’m going to get potatoes and carrots because those are always delicious, right? Yet I seem to end up with a variety of questionable objects on my plate. Wonderful. $17.99 well spent.