11 semesters. 5.5 years. However you would like to break it down it all comes down to one thing: I’ve been in college for longer than most people should be. When I moved into my freshman dorm almost 6 years ago I certainly did not think I would still be there. Yesterday I began my final semester of classes and one of my professors asked us to include what year we are in our introduction (can we collectively agree that class introductions are STUPID?), and I cringed. At this point in my college career I can’t even refer to myself as a super senior. I am a super, duper senior. I saw someone from freshman year walking around campus yesterday and we both exchanged glances and silently agreed that we’ve been there too long to even speak of. In fact, I am so old that when I gave my university ID number to an advisor yesterday they flinched when I told them it ended in A. The incoming freshman have hit letter H. Cool. But here is the thing: I know I have been here for a while, and there is no need to remind me. Seriously. Super seniors are a running joke on campuses, and were getting a bit sick of it. However, if you are going to tease us or ask us about it at least prepare yourself with some original content. Here are the things super (or duper) seniors are SICK of hearing.
1. “Sticking around for a victory lap are ya?
First of all, no. I am not an Elmer’s product and I am not “sticking around”. If I wanted a place to hang out I would head to Starbucks where there is free wi-fi,public restrooms, and fresh coffee. I can’t exactly pay thousands of dollars of tuition in peanuts, and I am only still moseying around campus because I have not met the requirements to fulfill my degree. Second of all, no. Last time I checked only winners have the opportunity to take a victory lap, and taking more time than everyone else to get my hands on a diploma does not make me a winner. Plus at this point it would be like, six laps. Not one.
2. “Are you worried about losing your friends that already graduated?”
Well, I wasn’t. But really thank you for that.
3. “Don’t be in a rush to graduate!”
That’s nice. I’m not sure you understand how time works. Just because I’m in college doesn’t mean the clock stops ticking. Here are the reasons I am, in fact, in a HUGE rush to graduate:
1. When I was a senior in high school the incoming freshman class were so young they were still given nap time and time outs
2. Every single one of my friends have graduated and I sometimes realize I spent all day on campus without speaking once
3. I would love to be qualified for a job that pays more than minimum wage
4. If I have to go over one more syllabus in class I may yank my hair out and my hair is far too fabulous to waste
5. Attendance policies suck6. The girl next to me just asked what size font the final essay (due in THREE MONTHS) should be in
4. “A little too much partying and not enough studying, eh?”
Someone. Hold. My. Earrings. For your information, pal, I changed my major FOUR times. I am not still in college because I am stupid, lazy, or sipped out of one too many red solo cups on Thursday nights. I am still in college because I am extremely indecisive and could not immediately figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life like most people. SO sorry. In fact, I have so many extra credits I could sell them. Five bucks for a Public Relations gen ed! $15 for a biology lab that required me to dissect a fetal pig every week! Heck, I’ll give you all of my education course credits for a nice breakfast sandwich. The bottom line is that I know I’ve taken the long way, but it still isn’t cool to insult me.
5. “I bet you and your parents are thrilled about all that extra tuition money you have to pay!”
Is that a joke? Was that supposed to be funny? IS MY DEBT HUMOROUS TO YOU?
6. “At this point you should just go right into getting your master’s degree!”
Really? It took me 5.5 years to get a bachelor’s degree. It would probably take me 55.5 to get my master’s degree. Also, it would be lovely if I could celebrate this achievement before tacking on another educational journey (which I will never be embarking on).
Are you a super senior and READY to graduate?