One thing that’s synonymous with the “college experience” is the elusive house party. House parties are usually a hit or miss occasion. I’ve been to parties so crowded that I couldn’t move, and I’ve been to ones where it winds up being a sad affair (think three people making small talk – yes, it’s been that small). House parties are basically an excuse for a bunch of your peers to get together, drink and make fools of themselves on the “dance floor.” It’s fun, its college! Here are my tips to surviving the next house party you’re dragged to!
1. Bring a good party friend.
This is an important house party survival tip. They don’t have to be your best friend; they don’t even have to be particularly close to you. Everyone has that friend they can call up who would be down for whatever. I’ve noticed that as I get older, I need to schedule hang outs with my friends further and further in advance.
Hey, babe, I haven’t seen you in a while, but I was wondering if we could do lunch in a month? Your people will confirm with my people? Okay, great.
Sometimes it’s nice to just have a friend whom you can suggest eating a dozen donuts while watching Magic Mike on your couch and they’ll be like “Yeah, sure!” Bring this friend to the party. If things get boring, your friend will be down to leave. If you feel like dancing, they’ll bust a move with you. Just make sure you trust them enough to take care of you if you go too far with the drinking. You don’t want to wake up alone on the neighbor’s lawn in your underwear the next morning.
2. Know what you’re walking into.
There is never a way to fully know what a house party will be like until you get there and experience it. Just arm yourself with knowledge! Go into house parties knowing if there is a theme, a cover, and some of the people that will be there! Otherwise you might wind up like me: showing up to a party in an ugly Christmas sweater only to find out that it was a formal affair.
3. Know your limits.
When I started college, my first house party was also my first encounter with alcohol on a first-hand basis. I didn’t know how many drinks my tiny body could take and it got me into a lot of trouble. Know your limits and stick to them! Don’t go overboard; if anything, go under board. I’ve been meaning to send out formal apologies to all the people I’ve made out with after drinking too much…but instead, I’m writing this. So, if I made out with you when I was really, super-duper drunk – Sorry about that.
4. Be alert.
I once had a girl sneak into the bathroom when my back was turned just so we could chat while she peed and cried about her recent break-up. I was equal parts fascinated that she was so comfortable with me (since I had never seen her prior to this) and terrified because she totally took me off guard.
When you’re at a party, you need to have your wits about you. People are bat-sh*t crazy and house parties bring out the craziest in people. You’re going to see things you wish you could unsee. You will see grown men wrestle for seemingly no reason, and you will see a girl throw up 15 jello shots. Just don’t bump into an angry drunk, and you’re in the clear for a good night.
5. Don’t put your drink down.
This is a really important one. For the sake of staying alive, I always assume everyone at a party has a certain amount of roofalin on their person. My drink never fully leaves my line of vision. I probably look like a paranoid crack head, scoping out all the people that get close to my beverage, but safety first!
Don’t bring your own red wine and then spill said wine on the host’s expensive pillows. It’ll make things awkward for everyone… just… Trust me.
6. Wear appropriate footwear.
A great tip for the lightweights of the world. Choose appropriate footwear, like flip-flops, in case you pass out. That way, you won’t have shoes on and maybe people will take pity on you by not drawing on them – and you. Then again, they may be too drunk to care and will probably draw on you anyways. Yeah, let’s be honest, they will totally draw on you.
7. Safety first!
DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE EVER EVER. LIKE NEVER. GET A CAB, HAVE A DD, CRASH SOMEWHERE FOR THE NIGHT JUST DO NOT GET BEHIND THE WHEEL.
This is the biggest tip to surviving a house party because I want you all to, you know, actually survive it.
How did you survive your first house party?