Cinco de Mayo is right around the corner, and it couldn’t come at a better time. Finals are in progress (so you definitely need a study break) and for seniors, graduation is right around the corner, which means it’s time to party. Cinco de Mayo parties to college students mean two things: 1) tons of cheap tequila, and 2) borderline ridiculous amounts of tortilla chips. Salsa, too, if you’re not broke. And with cheap tequila comes shenanigans.
There’s only one thing that compares to that Tostitos and wannabe Patron-fueled ridiculousness every college kids experiences on Cinco de Mayo, and that is Arrested Development. Break out the guacamole and the shot glasses, because it’s about to be Cinco de Cuatro up in here. The Bluth family are the only ones who really understand you anyway…
You realize Cinco de
Cuatro Mayo is coming up, and you’re ready to have a little fun…
…so you convince your best friend to throw a party in their suite.
Everyone’s invited. Everyone.
The day finally arrives, and it’s time to get ready.
But mostly it’s time to pregame.
Naturally, this doesn’t happen without a few party fouls.
Your RA won’t notice, right? Right?!
You get a little bit sloppy…
…and you start acting like a fool.
You try to speak Spanish.
You fail at speaking Spanish.
You bust out your best dance moves.
You take a few risks and make some bad decisions.
It’s pretty embarrassing.
You walk home early filled with shame and nachos…
…only to find you’ve been sexiled by your roommate.
So, you trudge to your res hall’s lounge to lie down on the couch and reflect.
You finally make it back to your dorm room and go to sleep…
…and wake up with a killer hangover only to find last night’s drunk texts.
At first, you decide to pretend it didn’t happen.
But then reality sets in.
And all you’re left with is pangs of guilt, embarrassment, and nausea.