We are in the throws of October and finally the world is starting to find some chill. Literally, as temperatures are slowly dropping. The first, glorious frost is just around the corner and everything will turn from pumpkin to peppermint and all will be right in the world. Back in the days pre-penicillin, people used to wait anxiously for the first frost to kill off all those gross summer diseases (or at least that is what I learned in Fever, 1973 by Laurie Halse Anderson) and now we wait anxiously for it to kill off all those pesky mosquitoes. But do you know what else I hope dies with the first frost?
A few slang terms that really grind my gears.
Obviously there are some slang terms I am totally on board with. Praise be whichever cool teen first started using “chill” as something you can have as opposed to something you are. Brilliant! Truly brilliant. I am pretty into “bae” as well. However I like to pretend it is a lazy form of “babe” as opposed to an acronym. So which ones do I hope disappear forever before the new year? So glad you asked! Let me tell you.
I have one thing to say to people that call girls basic: stop it. Just stop. No, I don’t wear UGGS and I have never seen Sex and the City but bringing a girl down just because she does is messed up. Also notice how we never call dudes basic? Nope. Goodbye. Moving on.
Let’s get one thing straight: the friendzone does. not. exist. It’s not real! It was made up by the lonely boy movie trope just like Manic Pixie Dream Girls as a way to make women feel guilty for not wanting to make out with their dude friends. Let me let you in on a secret: having friends you aren’t physically attracted to is so much fun! Try it sometime.
So as a general rule of thumb I am not super into cutesy things. And so this variation of “best friend” legitimately makes my skin crawl. Can we all go back to saying “IDK my BFF Jill?” Because that was way less obnoxious.
An acronym for “that hoe over there.” I have a few problems with this. One, it is clunky. Two, it is confusing. How do you even use it correctly? And four, let’s stop calling girls sluts and hoes and whores. Just stop. Stahp. Stop it.
And all iterations. “Swagger” etc. Know what definitely doesn’t make me want to check out your swag? Asking me if I want to check out your swag. (Swag as in free stuff handed out at events is totally fine though.)
What does this even mean? Why do people say it when they aren’t talking about a small purse without a strap? I’m old.
What am I turning down for? Am I supposed to turn down or up? Is this music too loud?
I am going to be honest when I say that I have never truly understood what this means. But I really don’t like the sound of it, and from what I can tell it’s mean.
Can’t you just say “gonna’? “Gonna” is already slang. Why do we need slang for our slang?
So I am going to get real for a second: this is a pretty ignorant thing to say. Quick history lesson: do you know which countries are actually third world countries? They are the countries that didn’t align with NATO or the Communist Bloc in the Cold War. The Cold War has been over for about 23 years now. Those “first world problems” as you call them, are actually incredibly misguided “developed world” problems, which is still an insulting and crazy thing to say because they are just human things that people everywhere are dealing with. Saying this also makes it seem like people in other countries are not as advanced as we are, which just isn’t true. It also kind of just trivializes struggle in general. So in a serious non-joking way, this one really needs to stop.
What slang terms do you hate?
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