Today, October 29th, is Internet Day. Although in 2014 isn’t every day internet day? Funny enough, it is also National Cat Day. which makes sense because cats and the internet are mutually exclusive.
I am a Millenial, which means I have been living in a home with internet access for the majority of my life. I remember dial up. I remember DSL. I remember siphoning bandwidth from someone in my neighborhood that didn’t lock their wi-fi when I was 16 and my mom used to turn ours off at night (hi Mom, love you.) I always wonder what life was like before the internet. Imagine having to write a paper or study for an exam without it. Imagine having to actually watch TV shows in real time. Imagine having to call someone on the phone to order a pizza. Imagine having to actually talk to your crush instead of just commenting on every single status update they make with a smiley face and favoriting all of their tweets.
I don’t want to think about it either.
Come on though. This future we live in is great, but it is not the future we were promised. Look at the movies made in the ’80s that took place in the future. We were promised so much more. It is 2014! We should be able to do absolutely everything with the internet. And yet here we are. The world almost completely at our fingertips, but not quite. I world of promise but without follow through.
Here are things we wish we could do with the internet that we can’t.
1. Download a pizza
2. Find out if Drake is a Weezer fan
3. Download a million dollars that you can print at home and use as legal tender
4. Get into shape without having to do any actual movement
5. If Drake is a Weezer fan, find out his favorite Weezer album
6. Crowd source the funds to make yourself potato salad
7. Get a U2 album for free
8. Form a deep, emotional friendship with John Stamos
9. Touch Chris Evans’ butt ( in a respectful, consentual way obviously)
11. Clean your room
12. Cast spells on your enemies
13. Taste food before buying it
14. Rewind your actual life
15. Pet a cat if you are allergic to them without being allergic anymore
16. Not get harassed by men
17. Pirate an endless queso supply
18. Find some chill
19. Stalk your high school crush free from embarrassment and shame
20. Find out which member of One Direction Joe Biden feels most spiritually connected too
What do you wish you could do with the internet?
gifs via giphy