As a writer, I find myself spending hours looking at a computer screen. Against my better judgment, my eyes wander on the internet and I always find myself back where I’ve started: Facebook. In an attempt to both procrastinate and be productive, I’ve decided to compile a list of a few things that I just don’t really enjoy seeing on my newsfeed. I enjoy the following Facebook posts so little, I often find myself having to step away from my computer for a while and read an actual book.
(For example, anything written by David Sedaris.)
Since it’s the 10 year anniversary of Facebook, let’s take a look at some of the worst, rage-inducing posts no one should ever share.
1. Absurd Political Claims
I am treading murky water on this one because I know everyone is allowed to share their thoughts. However, it makes it difficult for me to resist the urge to not punch you in the throat when you post things like, “Obama is a communist!” “Romney wants to round up the gays!” These claims are obviously not true and the people who post them just wind up getting into online fights with their “friends.”
On second thought, seeing people attempt to string together a coherent political debate via the internet is some seriously funny shizz. Where is my popcorn!?
2. Song Lyrics
WHY WHY WHY does this happen so often?! Maybe it’s the people I’m friends with but for a good two weeks after the song came out, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” lyrics flooded my wall. I avoided Facebook for a few days because every time I logged on I felt the indescribable need to mail Taylor Swift a thesaurus and a strongly worded letter.
3. Updating Your Status about Your Every Move
Girl, this isn’t Twitter! I have a Facebook friend who posts statuses that go as such:
“Went to work, then ate a salad for lunch”
“Just got off work, UGH SO ANNOYED!”
“Reading a book b4 bed !”
“Taking a bath before I read my book!”
Sometimes I write back, “What happens next?! I NEED TO KNOW!”
4. Passive Aggressive Call-Outs
So, sometimes these are funny, but other times I just stare at my computer for a while and ponder how much the internet has changed the way we interact.
We no longer feel the need to confront each other about anything face to face. It’s all snarky and uncalled for comments via the internet. Why tell someone you want to rip their hair out when you could make a status like, “UGH, people who screw my bf are so lame.”
True life, guys. I’ve seen that status before.
5. Game Requests
NO. Stop. I’m not going to play Farmville with you and I never will. Sims Social?
Not literally, but you get the point.
6. People Who Turn Themselves/Their Friends into Memes
I actually can’t even get into this right now. Too angry.
7. “It’s Complicated” as Your Relationship Status
OH! So you’re having relationship problems and you want to complain to the whole internet about it? I’m not even sure why Facebook gives us the option to announce that it’s complicated with someone.
Facebook, can I tell everyone that my relationship with Gallery Girls is complicated? Can that be allowed?
Excuse me, while I go on an apartment-wide rampage to let out my Facebook anger.