To: Dearest College Student
To my beloved college student,
I feel that we have drifted apart. We used to spend every night together, and I looked forward to your company after such a long, cold day. You used to hug Blanket, and I have been speaking to Blanket recently – he misses you too. Anyway, I fear that our relationship is coming to an end, since you seem to have moved on to Chair and Laptop. That’s not very nice. I thought we had a good thing going, and I would have appreciated the courtesy of a formal breakup if that’s what you truly wanted.
I’m not going to beg you to spend time with me because that’s pathetic. You just need to decide whether or not I’m important enough in your life. You know, I gave you so much throughout these years. Sleep, warmth, company, and I always do my best to be the perfect balance between soft and hard. Pillow does too, and Blanket channels his inner warmth every single night in preparation for you, but no. No. You just don’t show up. That’s. So. Not. Cool.
Please come back. But you know, if you want to end this relationship for good, at least give me away so that I can start a relationship with somebody else. I know you’re kind enough to do that.