Some of our readers may find our current events roundup a little liberal. Oopsies, will work on making it more neutral. And by that I will just be sarcastic about everything. Sound like a plan? Good.
- TEXAS VOTING: Looks like poor people and college students are safe to vote another day. The federal court rejected recent Texas law that would require people to show a photo ID before stepping into the voting booth. Republicans say they were trying to reduce voting fraud by pushing the voter ID law. Democrats called racism. We say that college students have it hard enough, so stop making our lives so gosh darn hard!
- FOOTBALL GRID OF SHAME: WSJ releases their second annual football grid of shame, in which they give all 124 major college football teams a subjective rating based on 2 things: how good the team should be this season, and how much shame it has brought its supporters. Penn State is in a pitiful spot on the graph, but what can we say? Their crazy news earlier this year was bound to bite them in the butt sometime. But they’re not alone; Penn State, Central Florida, North Carolina and Ohio State are in trouble and will sit out this postseason for transgressions ranging from academic fraud to recruiting irregularities.
- MONKEY SCIENCE: The results are in for a scientific study that started in 1987! What’s the study? Monkeys were put on a low-calorie diet to put them at the equivalent of a lean man to see if their restricted diet would help them live longer. Turns out that it doesn’t. Skinny monkeys did not live any longer than those kept at more normal weights. That sucks. If they were gonna die at the same time, they should have been allowed to eat all they wanted!
- HARVARD CHEATY McCHEATERS: A bunch of unnamed undergraduate Harvard students are being investigated for participating in a cheating ring for a final exam. Of the minimum 250-person class, it was discovered at least half of them cheated on their take-home exams. Holy crap, that’s a large cheating ring. I thought that cheating at my undergrad was a big deal…
- REAGAN HOLOGRAM: So looks like the Republican Party was supposed to pull a Tupac and have Reagan return from the dead to give a speech on small businesses. But because they predicted that half the convention would have a heart attack, they pulled the plug on Hologram Reagan. Maybe he’ll appear later this year or 2013. I’m not sure I like where this is going.