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We’re all guilty of it. Right before the semester begins we swear on our favorite reality TV star (my apologies, Coral from The Real World) that this semester will be different. The slacking that we did last semester which awarded us with a just barely passing grade but still counting towards graduation? Never again. We look at the new semester as a promised land of new beginnings…this semester is all about killin’ it. However, a few weeks in the novelty of new classes wears off and we find ourselves right back to our old ways. Whatever. As long as we pass, right? Below is an average college student’s inner monologue the first week of school versus the fourth week of school.

Week One

Diet: Balanced. Grilled chicken. Still trying to maintain summer figure. Brain food. Kale straight to the veins.
Organizational Level: Color coordinated notebooks and folders according to class. Plethora of pencils. Both mechanical and plain no.2.
Mood: Ecstatic. Motivated. Ready to be a mash up of Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Elle Woods.
Sleep Pattern: 8 hours a night of blissful infant slumber.

I’m not skipping any classes this semester. I’m going to be the mother-freaking-theresa of attendance. In fact, I’m not even going to look at the attendance policy on the syllabus. No siree, it won’t matter if we have six absences or two. I won’t be using them!

I think it’s good that I plan on not skipping class. Each class is worth a few thousand bucks…why would I waste that money?

Ahh back to school shopping. $50 on a soft leather bound planner? BARGAIN.

I’m not using pen in this planner. Just pencil in case I have to erase it. Hahah I can even say to people “I’ll pencil you in!”

Except I won’t say that to professors. Helllooo teachers pet central. The first row has my name ALL OVER it. Might even bring them an apple.

Professors love apples.

It would be nice if the other front row scholars would like to form some sort of hybrid genius study group. I’m all about making new friends this semester. Smart friends.

Mindy Kahling Smart GIF

(GIF via Giphy)

I’m glad I took all 8 ams. I’ll even get a thermos for my coffee so I can strut in on time and save my seat in the front row.

Ooooo should I buy a spare matching thermos in case I make a close friend? I can bring her coffee too.

Or him. I would just die if there was a cute guy in class and we, like, hit it off. We could even walk into class together hand in hand…the professor would smile knowingly….

Ed Sheeran Day Dream

(GIF via Giphy)

No, no. Be cool. Be cool. One thermos.

I’m going to lay my outfits out every night. I’m sooo sick of looking like a slob in class.

This semester is the NEW ME.

I can’t even sleep I’m so excited for class tomorrow. Like, I might as well not even set an alarm.

MORNING. This is GREAT. The semester of my FOUR POINT OH.

God bless the Do Not Disturb option on my phone. Sooo utilizing this in class. No one is more important than my education.

Well, maybe except Harry Sty–

Harry Styles Wink

(GIF via Giphy)

No. No one is more important.

Omg there are FOUR open seats in the front!

I’m surrounded my smart people. I should have bought glasses. Well, non perscription ones. 20/20 vision, baby.

Is that weird to do? Hipsters do it all the time.

Tina Fey Hipster Nonsense

(GIF via Giphy)

Okay fine it’s weird to do.

Week Four

Diet: A bagel dripping with butter and a 6XL coffee with enough cream and sugar to make my left eye twitch and my double chin set in for life.
Organizational Level: Schoolbag has an ozone layer of old papers, granola bar wrappers, and empty gum packs.
Mood: There are 67 days until Christmas break.
Sleep Pattern: Don’t even.

*&%$ I slept through my alarm again.

This is the second time this week I slept through my 8 am class

Honey Boo Boo Beauty Sleep

(GIF via Giphy)

Sixteen text messages?! What in the actual HELL.

Karen. Again. I should have never given her my number the first day of class.

Like, I have enough friends.

Do I LOOK like I want to make friends in class? No. I don’t.

Kourtney Kardashian Annoying

(GIF via Giphy)

Whatever I’ll just skip class. I still have an absence left.

Even though there SHOULDN’T be an attendance policy since I’M paying THEM.

Like, helllooo if I want to waste my money so be it.

Not that I need to learn this bull anyway…

Damn it. Goody two shoes Karen says we’re having a quiz at the end of class. If I leave now I can still make it.

*Looks down at sweatpants, sweatshirt with hot sauce stain on the sleeve, and feels birds-nest-like hair on top of head*

Emma Stone Shrug

(GIF via Giphy)

Whatever. I’ll just brush my teeth.

Where the hell is my notebook? Wait, where is my backpack?

I just need a pencil for the quiz anyway.

HOW can I not find a pencil either? I had enough for every person in China a few weeks ago.

Karen will have one for me. Good old Karen.

Great. There are only seats open in the front.

Ahhh yes. Cheers, everyone. Thank you for staring at the half-asleep girl arriving 35 minutes late to a 50 minute class.

You no good sons-of-bit—

She brought me coffee. Karen brought me coffee again.

It’s just weird.

Kristen Stewart Nutcase

(GIF via Giphy)

And is it ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for so many attractive guys to be in this class?

Like, sooo sorry I don’t feel like having to impress someone at the crack of dawn.

Quiz time. This should be easy I totally skimmed the chapter.

Hooookaaay. Not easy. Not easy at all.

Forget it I’m not taking this.

Pretty Little Liars I Give Up

(GIF via Giphy)

Is it too late to drop a class?

I’ll send a mass text out.

I dare the professor to try and remind me about the use of cell phones in class.


It isn’t too late to drop the class?!


How do you feel after the first month of classes?

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