Today was a momentous day for Apple users, and just another for everyone else. Today was the day that Apple announced the iPhone 6 and the Apple Watch as well as other stuff that matters less than that. Early tech adopters logged onto their computers to watch the live stream of #AppleLive to see when they could get their brand new gadgets, while people like me just waited to see how much the 5s was now going for so they could upgrade from their 4s (it’s $99, in case you were wondering.) Despite being a Millenial, I have never been one to buy a gadget right when it is released. They’re buggy. Do you remember your iPhone 5? I certainly remember when you had to take it to the Apple store because it mysteriously stopped working. Not that I am being cynical, I am a diehard Apple consumer. I just like to wait things out, and wait until they get more affordable.
I’ve said it before and I will keep saying it: we live in the future. As if Google Glass wasn’t enough, Apple also announced the Apple Watch. A wearable James Bond type gadget that doesn’t make sense to me but comes in 18 karat gold and pink gold. It is also not compatible with naturally occuring left-handedness so all you South Paws should cross it off your Christmas lists.
Each iPhone is more advanced, sleeker and faster than the last so we came up with a list of features, nay, demands for this latest release.
1. Unbreakable glass
2. The ability to order a pizza for you just by reading your mind
3. Change the channel on whatever TV you are watching
4. Clean your room
5. Break up with your significant other
6. Contact Star Command
7. Play sound from YouTube videos while using a different app
8. Snake already downloaded
9. An app that allows you to mute anyone who starts to Mansplain things to you
10. Toast a bagel perfectly and evenly
11. Tell you exactly how long to put something in the microwave for
12. Tie your shoes
13. A sensor that won’t allow you to drunk text your ex after drinking too much pink wine with your roommate on a Tuesday night
14. A breakfast sandwich locator that tells you where the nearest breakfast sandwich is located at any give moment
15. A text preview feature that allows you to draft texts to your crush and offers potential edits and possible outcomes so you can stop annoying your friends by asking for their advice
16. Every episode of Boy Meets World already loaded onto the phone without taking up any space
18. An automatic text reply that picks an appropriate emoji to respond to people you can’t be bothered to text back with
19. That emoji update we were promised in July
20. A waffle iron
21. Cher Horowitz’s outfit thing
23. Those anxiety causing anticipatory text bubbles abolished
24. A salsa fountain
25. Actually be a Motorola RAZR
What do you hope the iPhone 6 will have as a feature?
feature image via Getty/Justin Sullivan