Who died and made me queen of what is cool and what isn’t? No one. I’m self appointed, bb. Look, I’m a pretty patient person and I will let anyone have their moment. I’ve gone two days without reminding someone I liked 5 Seconds of Summer before they were a thing and only had a few homemade YouTube videos up to watch. I deserve a freaking medal for that. I was wearing converse shoes two summers ago when everyone scrunched their noses at me and said they looked “boyish.” Now every Instagram highlights chicks wearing squeaky clean (you are doing it WRONG they need to be DIRTY) Converse shoes. Fine. However, there were a few trends this summer that really, really irritated me, and I kept mum about them for a solid four months. After over 120 days of suffering I am putting my foot down and telling you all these trends need to die. Plan a funeral.
1. ALS Ice Bucket Challenge
(GIF via Giphy)
I know, I know. God is going to strike me dead for saying that, but it isn’t the philanthropic aspect of this icy trend that turns me off. I’m always here for supporting a good cause. Raise awareness. Donate money. Kudos to you. My issues with the world pouring buckets of ice water on their heads are:
1. No one nominated me. I’m concerned. Does this mean I have no friends? Does no one like me? I have serious FOMO and this isn’t helping.
2. Girls in bikinis. Put a damn shirt on for it. You aren’t trying to support a cause you’re trying to show off your abs that I want but can never achieve because ice cream is too good.
3. Whoever recorded Harry Styles’ challenge stopped recording right as he was about to flip his hair. I am extremely salty about this situation how DARE you deprive me of such a beautiful scene.
2. Pastel Colored Hair
(GIF via Giphy)
I was on this bandwagon for a while. Really. I was a hair appointment away from dying my entire head lavender, and I’m an advocate for quirky hair. I’ve had pink, red, purple, and blue streaks spread throughout my hair more times than I care to count. However, it’s done. Over. If you missed the opportunity this summer I’m sorry for your loss but the dream of cotton candy colored hair shouldn’t become a reality. I saw a girl walking in a business suit with light green hair and I just felt bad for her. Whatever pitch she is about to deliver to a room of executives will tank because they’ll all be too busy checking out the celery strands sprouting from her head.
3. Rude by Magic!
(GIF via elitosphere.wordpress.com)
I LOVED this song when it first his the radio, but then I had a heavy dose of sense knocked into me. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion (especially with music), but if you like this song just know that your opinion is wrong. First off, the lead singer sounds like he is whining. Second, the story line of the song is dumb. If you’re going to marry her anyway why did you ask permission? Also maybe he isn’t being rude. Maybe you smell and sit on your mom’s couch eating frozen pizzas all day. I wouldn’t want you marrying my daughter either, pal.
4. Crop Tops
(GIF via Gifsec)
Enough is enough. It’s fine if you wear one every now and then, or you wear one that only becomes a crop top when you raise your arms. That’s cute. But to the girls that refuse to wear anything BUT three inches of material: 1. Your belly button is cold 2. Can you not afford full length shirts? Do you want me to start a charity? 3. I understand that you want to show off your toned tummy, but mine isn’t as toned as yours and I’m bitter. Just keep in mind that if you plan on wearing crop tops this fall with an oversized cardigan to make it “fall appropriate” it doesn’t work that way. And while we are on the topic of appropriate clothing for fall weather…take the Uggs off of your feet while wearing shorts. PICK A SEASON. Unless you are Britney Spears you shouldn’t be wearing Uggs anyway.
(GIF via Tumblr)
Your pre-distressed band t-shirt from Urban Outfitters is adorable! What is your favorite song of theirs? Oh, you’ve never listened to them? Hahahaha. I hate you.
6. Flower Crowns
(GIF via Giphy)
Not only do you look like an idiot with a garden on your head, but you are giving girls that truly love music a bad reputation. You’ve turned watching wonderful, soul-touching music being performed live into a half-a$$ fashion show. I understand wanting to look cute at a concert or a music festival, but if you’re there just so you can wear roses on your head I hope a thorn pricks you or a bee stings you (unless you’re allergic because that ain’t funny).
What trend of summer 2014 do you hate?
(Featured Image via Reddit)