Fake bands are such a tease. A genius director throws together a band that only exists in Tinseltown for two hours maximum, and you’re helplessly hooked. They create a single so strong no other tune would stand a chance on the Top 40, cast the lead singer as a beautiful, beautiful being, maybe give them a cool accent, and then RIP IT ALL AWAY. Because they’re fake. Let us look at the pros and cons of fake bands:
1. There are only one or two songs for you to enjoy.
2. There is absolutely no possibility of a new album coming out next fall.
3. You can’t hang posters of the hottie lead singer on your door.
4. The said hottie lead singer probably can’t even sing and is lip syncing.
5. Same with the hottie lead guitarist: can’t play. How soul crushing.
6. You can’t look up old photoshoots of them and laugh at the ridiculous outfits.
7. Your stalking can only go so far because they are not real.
1. Your stalking can only go so far because they are not real. As a fangirl that latches on to any musical artist that she likes this isn’t even a pro this is a BLESSING.
2. The hottie lead singer isn’t really with the main character in the movie because their relationship is fictional so you sort of have a chance.
3. They never age. Have you ever looked up your old favorite singer and thought “Hooookay so someone didn’t age well?” Yeah, it won’t happen this way.
4. They can’t flop. Their best song will always remain their best song. They won’t have an album where they tried to go all experimental rap and made you cringe.
I think it is safe to say that the pros will always outweigh the cons in this particular debate, because even though it comes from a fictional band, you’re still getting to listen to great music. Check out a few favorite fake bands that totally rocked your world:
Stillwater from Almost Famous
Almost Famous is basically my bible. William has my dream job of a music journalist paid by Rolling Stone to travel with a rock band and tell their story. Penny Lane has my dream wardrobe and probably my dream name if I’m honest (even if it is just her fake Band-Aid name). The only issue I have with this film is that Stillwater isn’t a real band. How?! Though Stillwater is an actual band (Director Cameron Crowe went forward with the name only after gaining permission from the real-life band) there is no affiliation between the two. Unfortunately. The inspiration behind the hard rock, film version of Stillwater will bring a tear to any classic rock lover’s eye. Crowe insists it is based on his experiences touring with Poco, The Allman Brother’s Band, Led Zeppelin, the Eagles, and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Like, woah. I actually have Fever Dog on my iPod and it always takes me a few seconds to remember why I don’t have their full album. Oh, because it doesn’t exist. @*$*. Anyway, after you enjoy the above video, check out the greatest moment in movie history as Stillwater sings along to Elton John’s Tiny Dancer. Yes, I went there.
Greatest moment in movie history.
School of Rock from School of Rock
I do not care that they are singing about being a teacher’s pet, taking exams and making honor roll. I also do not care that the average age of this “band” is 12. It ain’t the heavy rock of Stillwater, but if I hopped in my nonexistent car with my nonexistent license and turned on my nonexistent car radio and this song was on I would certainly turn the (nonexistent) dial up.
Pink Slip from Freaky Friday
I love all-girl rock bands. Mostly because my tone-deaf self lives vicariously through them wishing I could just strap a guitar around my shoulder and go HAM or whip out a pair of drum sticks and let my inner female John Bonham go wild. I’ve seen The Runaways enough times to know that Cherie Currie wasn’t really a singer at all before she joined the band to let my dream go. It could happen. Anyway, the fact is there just is not enough female rock bands in this world, and if I have to resort to fake movie bands to get my fix so be it. Pink Slip from Freaky Friday is IT. Just look at the trifecta of bad-@$$-black nailed Lindsey Lohan, Wednesday Adams-lookin’ bass player, and hippie-grunge lead singer GO. I mean, even their band name screams WE’RE SO COOL AND AHEAD OF OUR TIME. Yes, this song is also on my iPod. And so is “Ultimate“, the tune they played during the final scene of the movie. Judge me.
Stiff Dylans from Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging
I understand that many of you probably are not up to date on all the teen movie fads in England, but fortunately for you I am and can give you the skinny on all the important ones. Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging is as popular as Mean Girls is in America. It is a cheeky coming of age tale of a young girl that has a mega crush on a boy in a band (Don’t we all bb), and he actually likes her back. The band in question is called the Stiff Dylans and they remind me of a Blink-182 meets 5 Seconds of Summer mash-up. Lucky for you they have a handful of songs in the film that I’ve
stalked out randomly come across on YouTube. “Ultraviolet” is my favorite, but here is another one for you to enjoy.
The Weird Sisters from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
LOL. This isn’t just a fake band. This is a fake band from a fake world (OR IS IT). They’re like a magical version of The Ramones. Choice lyrics for you to enjoy:
Move your body like a hairy troll
Learning to rock and roll
Spin around like a crazy elf
Dancin’ by himself
Boogie down like a unicorn
No stoppin’ till the break of dawn
Put your hands up in the air
Like an ogre, who just don’t care
And if those dudes look familiar, that is because they are played by famous rockers. Yes, that is Jarvis Cocker and Steve Mackey from Pulp alongside Johnny Greenwood and Phil Selway from Radiohead.
6. The Electrocutes from Drive Me Crazy
Look, technically The Electrocutes aren’t a fake band. They are actually girl rock band called The Donnas, and they just adopted the fake name for the movie Drive Me Crazy. Regardless they rock and they make the cut. I originally watched this movie as an excuse to stare at Adrian Grenier for a solid 91 minutes, but The Electrocutes gave it a soundtrack that made me want to watch it over and over again. Lucky for everyone the fact that they exist out of movie world gives us a lot of songs to jam out to. I wish my school had a centennial celebration with a cool rock band and a cute boy took me as his date. Sigh.
Bonus Solo Artists:
These two fellas may not be in a band, but they’re both too good not to mention.
Proto Zoa from Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century
Zenon Kar is a queen in the world of fangirls. I mean, she was a dedicated fan to a singer on another planet. Mad respect. But can you blame her? With hits like “Supernova Girl”, Proto Zoa would make my heart go boom boom, too. Yes, I went there. (Don’t act like you didn’t dance around your house singing this song for days after the Disney Channel featured it). P.S Check out Proto Zoa’s frosted tips courtesy of 1999.
Neal from Uptown Girls
Look. I’ll be honest. “Sheets of Egyptian Cotton” is extremely catchy, but I’m mostly including it because I found this photo montage of Jesse Spencer set to the track on YouTube. Mega hunk. How could I NOT share it?
What is your favorite fake band?
(Featured Image via tasteofcinema.com )