I don’t know how I did it, but I survived a 3-year-long career as a Resident Assistant. I got out alive with a degree and some seriously crazy memories. Last week my residents failed pretty epically, and this week…uh…well, things are weird. Wait, is that even a surprise? This is my crazy RA life and yes, these are all true stories!
Most of this story happened before I was an RA, and it is so painfully awkward that I honestly don’t know why I am sharing it with you. But, I’ve had it in my list of potentials since day 1 and it has been glaring at me from my agenda, practically taunting me to tell all about it. So, I suppose…it’s time.
It was Thanksgiving break during my sophomore year, around 1:00am. I was on Facebook chatting with a friend from school when I noticed a friend request pop up. It was a guy from school that I recognized as one of the soccer players (seriously, why is it always the soccer players?) but I didn’t actually know him personally. Figuring that maybe we had a class together and he recognized me, I clicked accept, sealing my forever awkward fate.
A few minutes went by before the little Facebook chat *ding* went off. It was John.* What happened? Well…
Keep Your Cool
John: So, you go to school with me, right?
(Awkward pause while I double checked his Facebook profile to be sure…)
Me: Yeah, I guess so.
John: What’s up?
Me: Uh, not much. You?
John: Same. Just hanging out.
John: Yeah. So, do you play any sports?
Me: Nope. You?
John: Yeah, I play soccer. [Insert long description of what position he plays and how much he loves it here]
(Note: I am genuinely A) confused as to why he is talking to me and B) trying to figure out his motives and C) really not that interested in what position he plays on the soccer team, hence the incredibly short answers. By this point, I am literally stalking his entire Facebook profile trying to figure out what his deal is.)
John: Yeah. So, do you hook up?
(OH! There it is. That’s the motive I was looking for. Should’ve known.)
Me: Uh, I’m sorry, what?
John: Ya know, do you hook up. Like with guys.
(Did I mention his Facebook profile picture was a picture of him and his girlfriend? How did I know it was his girlfriend, you ask? The blatantly obvious relationship status glaring right at me, for one.)
Me: You know, I find it really hard to understand why you would even consider asking me that considering how painfully obvious it is that you have a girlfriend according to your Facebook.
John: Wait! No I didn’t mean it like that. No. I’m just. I’m drunk. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that I wanted to. I was just curious. Don’t take it the wrong way. I just was wondering. I’m just a little drunk is all.
I signed off right away and then waited a week to be inconspicuous and deleted him from my Facebook friends.
By the next semester, I had been hired as an RA and moved into my new suite. I had also successfully avoided John for the remainder of the fall, but the first day of classes in spring would prove to be the end of my lucky streak.
I walked into one of my history courses only to find that John sat two seats away from me. I moved to the other side of the room on day 2 and avoided eye contact. I made sure to leave quickly to avoid bumping into him in the hallway, and I was successful at this until late March, and at that point, had convinced myself that maybe he was so drunk that awkward night that he didn’t even remember who I was. After all, we weren’t Facebook friends anymore, so why would he remember?
I was wrong. (Didn’t see that one coming at all, right?)
Around 11 pm on a Friday night, my phone went off. I had a Facebook notification.
Guess who sent me a friend request?
My lovely suitemates pretty much dared me to accept after I told them the whole story of the first intensely awkward online encounter. So, with them surrounding me, I clicked accept. And sure enough, a chat window opened up.
John: Were you in class on Wednesday?
(Woo! Maybe he just needed to ask me something about class! I thought I was in the clear.)
Me: No, actually I was sick. Why?
John: I was wondering if we got our midterms back. I was out that day.
Me: Oh, I don’t know. I wasn’t there. Sorry.
(I expected a “Okay thanks TTYL” but when do I ever get what I expect?)
John: You’re really pretty by the way.
(I again check his Facebook – still in a relationship with the same girl. Seriously, what gives?)
Me: Hey John, let me ask you a question.
Me: Didn’t you try this once before?
John: Uh, yeah…
Me: That’s what I thought. So how did that work out for you?
John: Not that great, actually.
Me: Cool, well maybe you should stop.
Needless to say, I blocked John from my Facebook permanently.
The Plot Thickens
You’re probably wondering one of two things right now: 1) What does this have to do with her crazy RA life? and 2) She blocked him, so what more could possibly occur?
Well, those are both great questions. And I have one simple answer for you all.
The following semester, I returned as an RA to the same building.
In place of my beloved soccer guys in the suite below were a new set of soccer guys, including the infamously creepy Dave from “The Crush” and of course, John. Now, John was my resident. Which meant that months of avoiding him had to be put aside so that I could at the very least, have a polite but not-too-friendly relationship with him and all of the rest of my new residents. Awkward!
But if you thought that was bad, then you’ll love this: guess who his neighbors were? My favorite girls from the time I got kidnapped with a few new additions. Among them? John’s girlfriend.
But wait! It gets better. Everyone, including my RD, knew the story of his epic Facebook embarrassment. And of course, I was not the only target of his awkward attempt at cheating on his girlfriend.
You know how I found that one out?
One night, my boyfriend and another friend of mine were in the lounge talking when she told me she had something I needed to see.
I walked around to her laptop, and guess what was there?
Guess who sent her some NSFW selfies?