Jaimie Fitzgerald2013 is just about over, and for many of you, I’m sure it was a year full of terrible decisions and regrets. Maybe you did some awesome things, but all accomplishments were probably washed away by a sea of naps and endless streams of drunken tears. As New Year’s Eve looms closer, it is that time of year to make some resolutions, and then profess your goals for the New Year to your 3,000 close friends via Facebook status when you are drunk at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Every year, a lot of us make resolutions, but how does that usually pan out? Here is a timeline of how the ordinary college student carries out his or her New Year’s resolution(s):
You did some really stupid crap last year, and you realize a drastic lifestyle change is in order.
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You’ve made resolutions in the past, but didn’t follow through. This year will be different. Nothing can stop you.
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So you think long and hard about what you need to change, and come up with a very realistic list of 10+ goals for the new year. You are going to be a whole new person, and blow everyone’s’ minds.
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You are going to cut back on drinking, because alcohol makes you do dumb things.
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You’re probably going to vow to exercise more too, because your jeans no longer fit and your leggings are starting to become covered in holes.
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And like any real exercise guru, you will also adopt a super healthy diet.
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You weren’t really the best student last year. And since you were so stressed out during finals, this will be the year you don’t procrastinate.
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January begins, and you are off to an awesome start. You’re exercising, eating right, and you haven’t blacked out in weeks.
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Then it is time for school to start again. You’re reunited with your friends, so you obviously have to go out drinking. Every night.
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You realize how hard exercising really is. Being in shape hurts. Even just walking is a daunting task.
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And how is anyone supposed to stick to a diet when food tastes so good in the wee hours of the morning.
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And once classes start again, that whole “no procrastinating” thing just seems silly. Is it nap time yet?
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As you lay in your bed, suffering through your latest hangover you think to yourself “What happened to me? Should I try stick to my resolutions again?”
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And the answer is, always, “meh, maybe next year.”
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What are your New Year’s resolutions?
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