Adam Levine, ladiez amirite? Of course everyone, literally, everyone, loves Adam. He’s a quality coach on The Voice and he’s got the moves like Jagger. Plus also, Maroon 5, guys. Maroon 5 is an awesome band! Sometimes I listen to them when I wake up in the morning, and I’m like I’m never gonna leave this bed. But then the daylight comes and I have to go. Even though I’d really like one more night. This love is breaking my heart, and it also really makes me wonder. Have I thrown in enough references to make my point, which is that I love them? My heart is a stereo and it beats for Maroon 5, so listen close: Here are some of my favorite M5 songs.
The premise of this song is that Adam is at a payphone, trying to call his lady. For the love of god, Adam Levine needs to make a phone call, would someone please lend him a quarter?! Also, didn’t this song come out in 2012? Why did Adam not have his cell phone? Couldn’t he borrow someone else’s cell phone, if his wasn’t on him? Where did Adam even find a payphone, because I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen one since the 90s, when my mom showed me the payphones at the library that I could use, if for some strange reason I was at the library alone and needed to make an urgent call. “Mom. It’s me. They don’t have Curious George. Come get me right now, this is an emergency. Also I owe the librarian twenty-five cents for this call, so bring money.” Seriously though, someone give Adam his cell phone back—and also maybe give me his number.
Adam Levine is in misery! There ain’t nobody who can comfort him—although I volunteer to try. So, show of hands, who here is absolutely terrified of the girl in this music video? Not only is she beating the crap out of Adam Levine, but also she’s wearing a jean shirt with a pair of jeans. Denim on denim?! That’s petrifying! Doesn’t she know what a faux pas that is?! Did she not have a clean t-shirt to wear?! Also why does she have the jean shirt tied like that?! It’s going to wrinkle!! Also, Adam, this is probably why you should have taken up a sport that isn’t yoga. If you had taken like kickboxing instead, you could have probably protected yourself from Crazy Denim Girl. I don’t think downward-facing-dog is going to help you get yourself out of this situation.
To anybody that is reading this right now and also knows me and my mom, the next time you see her, please ask her to sing you this song, because she does not know the lyrics, and her interpretation of it is hilarious. This is probably one of the best Maroon 5 songs out there, and a real testament to their versatility. As my dad would say, “’Sunday Morning’ is the best Maroon 5 song, because it’s jazzy.” Has anyone else heard the actual jazz version of the song? It’s so excellent; here is a link for your convenience!
Wake Up Call
The context of this song is that Adam catches his lady with another man. Serious question: Who, in their right mind, cheats on Adam Levine? But like actually. He got beat up by a girl in the “Misery” video, however, nobody messes with Adam in this one. He’s blowing up cars and shooting dudes, and he’s also got some scantily clad and suggestive ladies on a boat. What exactly is happening on that boat? Also, how do I get on it? I’m not a big boating person but if Adam Levine offered to take me for a spin around the bay, I wouldn’t turn it down. Adam, I’d totally hang out with you on your boat, and probably also not cheat on you.
Harder to Breathe
You can’t have Maroon 5 without “Harder to Breathe.” I am a big fan of this song. It’s catchy and also kind of sexy. But what I want to know is: what exactly is happening here? Adam is pissed. Who are all of these women that are hurting Adam Levine’s feelings? Seriously, who are they? Give me their names and social security numbers. Or maybe just their emails so I can write them strongly worded messages. But also. Real talk. Who is panting in this song? How do they record that? Are they just like “Hey, Adam, pant into this microphone for a sec, then will put it on the track.” Could someone please explain this to me? Could Adam Levine maybe come and explain it to me? Could he maybe demonstrate his panting for me in person? ….No, seriously though. Adam Levine, call me. But not from a payphone.
What is your favorite Maroon 5 song?
feature image via Getty/Kevin Winter